Jokes

Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client’s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."
 
Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"
 
Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."

Having just moved to a new home, a young boy meets the boy next door. "Hi, my name is Billy," he says, "what's yours?"
"Tommy," replied the other.
"My daddy's an accountant," says Billy. "What does your daddy do?"
 "He's a lawyer," Tommy answers.
 "Honest?" says Billy.
"No, just the regular kind."

        A local newspaper mistakenly printed an obituary for the town's oldest practicing lawyer. He called them immediately and threatened to sue unless they printed a correction.
        The next day, the following notice appeared, "We regret that the report of Attorney Critchley's death was in error."

A young lawyer, defending a businessman in a lawsuit, feared the worst. He asked a senior partner whether he ought to send the judge a box of cigars.
"The judge is an honorable man," the horrified senior partner exclaimed. "If you do, I guarantee you'll lose the case."
The judge eventually ruled in favor of the young lawyer's client.

        A man walking on the beach came across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a genie actually appeared. "For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes," said the genie.

        A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

A minister and a lawyer arrived at the pearly gates, Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.
"Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, the keys to our finest penthouse suite."
"This is unfair!" cried the minister.

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

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